On Conviction and Godly Grief

As I continue my study of the Decalogue (of which I posted a week or so ago) I am continuing to be challenged. Each time that I delve deep into God’s Word, I am further convinced that I am a law-breaker;

[Exodus 20] “I am Yahweh, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery:
You shall have no other gods before me.
You shall not make for yourself a carved image of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath or that is in the water under the earth.
You shall not take the name of Yahweh, your God, in vain…
Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy…
Honor your father and mother…
You shall not murder.
You shall not commit adultery.
You shall not steal.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor
You shall not covet…”

[Mark 12:29-30] “The greatest commandment is, ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no greater commandment than these.”

My heart sinks. The Westminster Standards – so faithful to Scripture (which alone has the authority to bind the consciences of men), so beautifully composed – teach me well that my chief and highest end is to GLORIFY GOD and fully to enjoy Him forever. Divinely-inspired Scripture reveals to me that by my very nature, I fail to accomplish this purpose for which I was created; “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” [Romans 3:23]. Why do I fail to bring glory to God? I sin. From conception, I was an object of God’s most holy wrath, and from my birth, every action of rebellion against the Glory, which I owed to God – which I was created to bring forth – further condemned me.

AMAZING grace. It is the only thing that can be said for the work of Christ – accomplished and applied at the cross. As the author of the Epistle to the Hebrews tells us, “when Christ appeared as a high priest… he entered once for all into the holy place… by the means of his own blood, thus securing an eternal redemption,” [9:10-12] and, “by that will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all” [10:10]. Christ has borne and defeated that sin which prevents me from glorifying God and fully enjoying Him forever. “Through the law I died to the law, so that I might live to God” [Galatians 2:19].

And yet, I sin. In Christ I am redeemed – ALL of my sins were imputed to Him on the Cross, when God looks to me He only sees Jesus’ righteousness – AND YET, I SIN. Paradox of paradoxes. I have been fully saved, however I am in the process of being saved, and one day, I look forward to salvation. Is this not an indication of the quality of the God, whom I serve? I see myself, all my wickedness, the wreck that I am, and I grieve – but God sees Christ. I see salvation alive and at work in my soul today just as much as yesterday – but God sees salvation accomplished and applied at the cross. God does not simply promise a finished product – He sees it. This brings a whole new meaning to “standing on the promises of God,” does it not?

As I discussed in an earlier post, I am convinced that, "the imperative rests on the indicative, and this order is not indicative" – in other words, “our actions do not determine our relationship with God; our relationship with God determines our actions.” This mite of truth does comfort me – it assures me that I am hidden with Christ – however, it does not relieve me from my grief. No, my actions do not affect my relationship to God – but my relationship to God always affects my actions. Christ has defeated my sin and I am free to glorify God and fully to enjoy Him forever. AND YET, I SIN! In view of the mercies of God – where I should rejoice at every opportunity to bring honor to His name – I SIN. Free to enjoy the only One that is capable of bringing me joy, I run and lavish myself under the vestment of broken shackles – I SIN. Now, when I am confronted with the perversity of my actions, I grieve.

Godly grief turns a sinner to repentance; it is good and necessary. Godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. What earnestness this godly grief might produce; such eagerness to be redeemed, such indignation, such fear, such longing, such zeal! This grief is not concerning our status in Christ – which is already sure – it is concerning our failure to be what God created us to be, our failure to glorify and enjoy God.

Eternal Father, there is one thing that deserves my greatest care, that calls forth my ardent desires; that is, that I might answer the great end for which I am made – to glorify and enjoy Thee, Who hast given me being. And yet I sin. I bring my soul to Thee, that Thou should break it, wound it, bend it, mold it. Unmask to me sin’s deformity, that I may hate it, abhor it, flee from it. Grant that I might ever seek Thy face, and like Thy prophet Isaiah, return in brokenness and godly grief – for Thy holiness doth illuminate those remnant traces of sin, which prohibit me from enjoying Thy glory. I have seen the purity and beauty of Thy perfect law, the happiness of those in whose heart it reigns, the calm dignity of the walk to which it calls, yet I daily violate and contemn its precepts. All these sins I mourn, lament and for them cry pardon. Work in me more profound and abiding repentance; give me the fullness of a godly grief that trembles and fears, yet ever trusts and loves, which is ever powerful, and ever confident. Teach me anew how I might glorify and fully enjoy Thee forever. Amen.